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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Friends...

Hello All!!
It's been a while..I frequently think of things that I "should" write on my blog but I don't get around to it! Practicing what you preach is not always as easy as we think! We make promises to ourselves and at times over reach.. A sign of the times.. I suppose. We feel pressure from all sides but then suddenly.. we are forced to STOP!! News from a friend that she has cancer and needs surgery or that another friend has passed unexpectedly! Talk about reality checks. The friends you take for granted as always being there for you and you being there for them!!

It felt as though I was forced to pay attention!!! Yes. We have to pay attention. Not take people for granted. Not assume that when you "can't" stay in touch the way you would like or intend to that it's OK.... she will understand that I am so busy!! For some reason, losing touch seems to be easy these days. I suppose we feel that we are staying in touch.. via these interesting pseudo-social networks like Face Book and such. We pretend that we are keeping in touch.. but we never touch! We post photos and gaze at them as if...but reality is different. When you need a hug the most, the computer just does not cut it! Yet here I am... blogging!!! Go figure!

As a therapist, in my day to day, I deal with the innermost feelings, trials, and tribulations of the clients I serve. I am present. Connected.  Offering coping tools, hope, and a chance to change the lens through which they look at what is happening in their lives.

After I got the news back to back about two very special women in my life, I had to stop and do some soul searching relative to the importance of caring for our friendships because we just never know and not having the opportunity to express how we feel, to have one last laugh, or the chance to lend an ear or a shoulder just does not feel good.

The working relationship is important and for me, a privilege, without a doubt. Sometimes clients choose us and sometimes they take a chance on us. My thought is that there are no accidents and the right client sits on the chair because there is something I can offer him or her that no one else will, and most times the exchange is enlightening for me as well! 

But we choose our friends! We go out of our way to meet, greet, and follow that gut feeling that the person next to you is someone you can cry, laugh, and share deeply with! Friendships are unique but somehow I think that in these times of texting and Face Book, the double edge sword technology that we becoming so comfortable with, something is lost!  We lose the warmth, the eye contact, and no matter how creative the smiley faces are, the feeling isn't there!! It's too easy to say we "stay in touch" via computer or text messages. But on the other hand,  at least we know something about the our friends out there.   But I also believe, a short phone call doesn't hurt.  BUT.. texting is easier! Just today, I had a text conversation with a friend I haven't talked with in a long time. It's so easy to just fall into complacency... and how about the twittering!!! And I say it again... here I am...  blogging about all of this!!! Paradoxical indeed!

 To help keep the balance, I DO have a friend that absolutely refuses to get on Face Book or likes texting. I suppose she will give in at some point. It's inevitable. I think she is getting closer! I nearly fell back when I got a text message from her  last week!!! I totally understand her point of view. Ironically enough though, had I not received a Face Book message to please call, I would not have learned about my other friend's passing and that would have been worse. She was a friend that had moved to another state and we had lost touch. She was instrumental in my life and a source of  great support for me at a very difficult time in my life! She was caring and giving and so strong and talented. It was her daughter that found me on Face book. Her daughter and I got together the day after we talked on the phone and she had given me the news.I could not sleep that night (guilt is a bitch) and then after hearing from her daughter what my friend had been through, I felt really badly for disconnecting the way that I did( more guilt). I took for granted that she was OK. After all, she was a survivor! A strong woman! A woman of substance (and that's a whole other blog!) There is nothing I can do now for her but pray and change how I do things. I took a day off...just had to. It's the healthy thing to do when something like this happens!

I WAS planning to delete my Face Book page but I have hesitated since this incident. Not because I changed my mind about the its pseudo properties.. I still feel that same.. However, the lens through which I see it now has shifted slightly in favor of keeping it open just in case! Don't really know how to feel about that though...

However, I have friends that live locally and others out of state, so I am committing to staying in touch to let them know that I care and that I am here for them. I am still soul searching. Looking to strike that perfect balance. Work in progress...

I continually tell clients to value connection with others for there is healing there... Like I said, we have to practice what we preach. Lessons learned. I will miss you dear friend!


My hope is that we continue to make the time to meet, greet, share, laugh, and cry together! I am certainly making a greater effort these days! We choose our friends and we have to cherish and care for them.  For those friends that are far away, my thoughts are with you. I will talk with you soon and for those that are close, let's get together soon! I love you all!

By the way, my friend has just started her journey toward recovery.. cancer free!

Until next time....
peace and light!
e.